Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Losing my Focus


what am i doing?

I came to the library to study, to catch up what I've missed in lectures for the past 2 weeks...
yet here I go blogging away without even a topic in mind.

I need a motivator, someone to slap me everything i take my attention away from the books.
sheesh ...

will be meeting LK and gang for dinner at Cafe Cartel later on at 6.30pm. Until then, i pray that i'll be able to absorb 3 hours worth of lecture.

That's will be all i guess ....

Heaven's decending in ... 3 more days.
I just cant wait!

Thursday, January 19, 2006


So it seems...

that I have walked my path as a mindless ghost for far too long.
Long enough to be blinded away from the unpleasant realities of the people I've come to love.
Long enough to be blinded by the impacts of my own subconscious doings on my friends.
and long enough, to finally see the dissonance in the beauty I assumed ahead.

this post is shallow compared to what has been going thru my mind these few days ... it may not make sense to some though ... but here goes

I'd like to talk about hierachy and politics once again.
It's everywhere, isn't it? With the way this society is ticking, hardly anyone can deny that they are necessary for progress. The troublesome part of these, however, is that although it might promise a certain degree of order and organization, it comes with a cost, and often a heavy one at that. As people with common goals but different ideals come together, friendships and relations might be tarnished. With uncapable men at the top of the hierachial ladder, everything simply falls apart. Influences ... Struggles for power ... coalitions ... secret meetings ...

sigh ...

It's darkening societies and organizations. There hardly is an organization with pure goodness and no evil lingering about. However, one true fact remains, and this is my logic. An evil organization doesn't make a person evil, rather, his own beliefs and ideals do. As long as you stand strong and firm to your own basic morals, beliefs ... nothing can sink you. In other words, learn to be true to yourself. There might be people out there attempting to control, influence or even destroy, and the only condition for their victory, is for your mind to give in to their preachings. One should always know how to make his own judgements instead of blindly receiving information from external sources. It's often damanging to have too much faith in everyone approaching you, even if he might appear to be a friend to you. That is the weakness of many people, including myself.

If a person chooses to leave because of this darkening situation, he might be simply seeking to escape from reality... very probable a sign of weakmindedness. I have always tried to embrace the coming of this issue, though I'm not completely sure if Im successful. I work for the love of it, and I work for those whom I call friends. I have little love for power and no love for organisational politics, and i work solely for the fact that i find it pleasurable and enriching. Those are my ideals, and the beliefs which I've chosen to guide my life with.

"I might be a dog for the military, but I walk with my own two feet"

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Cafe Heaven @ Spinelli !

Once again ...

Janus is lazing away on the comfy cushioned chairs of Spinelli in the NUS University Hall ... seeking for his self-claimed heaven in a cup of hot latte. Its drizzling outside a while ago, and he had entered the cafe dripping wet from his earlier walk in the rain. Previously, he had been spinning around in the NUSSU van driven by Jeremiah, on a mad publicity stunt initiated by the Bash Comm. It had left him dizzy and slightly drained ... and coupled with the teary weather, he craved a little solace in the campus haven he loved so much.

It's been 2 hours ... the latte's gone, and so were the pastries on his plate. The rain seemed to have stopped, though the sky still looks gloomy with the congregation of grey clouds. He had been listening to music from his laptop while he's here, taking in a novel he hadn't had time to read during the Holidays. He tasted heaven, and felt separation from the restless insanity that drives the world. He wondered if he should ask some of his friends to join him, but eventually decided against this. Just for now, he wanted to be alone, and to enjoy the silence outside his earphones...


So what spells heaven for you?
Mine comes in the form of a hot cup of coffee! haha
Cheers to you~~ !

Monday, January 16, 2006

My "Ideal Major"

Out of boredom, I tried the "Ideal Major" test which many of my friends have linked up in their bloggies... so here goes

You scored as Philosophy. You should be a Philosophy major! Like the Philosopher, you are contemplative and you enjoy thinking about the purpose for humanity's existence.





























What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

Im not really surprised with the test results, in fact I kinda expected it. Haha, it's true that i do tend to think and perhaps "philosophise" a lot. However, I believe that such a subject is better left as a minor, rather than a major. That way, you'll be able to find more meaning in the daily passages of life, and not getting overboard with it.

Many of my friends mentioned that I'm an unusual breed of Engineer with an Art student's mindset. It does sound funny, but I like the description.

Cheers to all~ looking forward to a good week ahead!

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Life's 23rd Anniversary

Ok, midnight has past.
I'm now officially 23 years old.

I thought I'd be the first to wish myself a Happy Birthday with this blog post, but I'm glad many of my friends had beaten me to it. A few SMS messages have been sent in with Birthday blessings for an old man, as well as quite a number of MSN greetings from my pals, especially Kelvin. Haha ...

I appreciate all these, really. Thanks guys!

When I was a kid, i remember how I'd always look forward to my next birthday. It'd mean presents, good food and plenty of ice cream. I'd make sure everyone around me remembers my birthday, hoping I'd get more and more presents every year. I'd be overjoyed when my mom buys me toys and games, and i'd get angry when I open gift boxes to find clothes inside. Haha, that's really cute now that i think back on it. One year i received a Ninja Turtle Pizza Tosser toy ... then there was the Ninja Turtle handheld game, and that remote controlled car later on. As the years went by ... my toys get bigger. I received a Power Rangers Megazord action figure during secondary school, and soon, a pager and a handphone from my dear Mom.

As we age, however, we really tend to lose some regard for the once sacred annual hatch day ... nowadayz, it seems little more than just another day in my life. I don't crave for a cool party to celebrate my birthday, nor do i wish for many presents to come my way. If my friends remember my birthday, a simple handshake and "Happy Birthday" from them will be more than enough to brighten up my day. That's probably coz it constantly reminds me that I'm not walking down life's journey alone.

If there's one way I'd like to celebrate my birthday this year, perhaps it'd be to down some booze with my close buds at a quiet bar till daybreak. Anyways, I ain't gonna plan for that, nor do i hope any of my friends to do so (it ain't a hint hor!), since I'm really bogged down with my commitments in school already. heh...

Well ... that's that.
Happy 23rd Birthday old man! =D

Monday, January 09, 2006

Teary Teary Sky

It keeps raining ... rain on me baby.

You know the times when you are caught in a sudden downpour without an umbrella or any nearby shelters? What do you make of it? Most people will probably start cursing and running in the direction with the greatest possibility of leading to a shelter. It'll probably end off as quite a bad day for most of us ...being drenched and all.

But to me, one of the best feelings in the world, is to walk through a drizzling weather without an unbrella. Personally, I really like it a lot ... to feel the raindrops gently hitting upon you as you casually pace your way through. Having accepted the fate that you're going to get wet anyway, why not just embrace the rain and enjoy the rest of your unsheltered journey? To me, it just feels so .... free! I chose not battle against nature's wrath, rather ... I embrace it. People around me might be carrying umbrellas, and briskly making their way to their destinations dry ... but I'm definately enjoying the journey more than they do.

Haha, maybe the only drawback is that you might catch a cold later. But what the heck.

Anyways, life's really a journey, a path we walk down endlessly till we take our last breath. No?
Instead of briskly walking down life's journey, why not slow down your pace a little, and for once take in what the surroundings have to offer? Life's really not purely about work, study etc. There's truly too many wonders to behold if only we choose to notice them. That can be interpreted in many unique ways in fact, depending on your personality. When's the last time you smiled to a stranger who happen to look your way? Even that qualifies as a mini pleasure by itself to brighten up our days a little bit.

Many have asked why I called myself cryhaven. Well, it's derived from the words "Crying Heaven".

In short, rain. =)