My Ordeal
I've really seen it all this time ...I've witnessed the infamous receding sight of the ceiling as I'm wheeled on a trolley bed from my ward to the Operating Theatre. The theatre was cold, and there were big glaring lights everywhere. It was really as I've seen it on the tube. The surgeons mentioned that it will be a long operation, as long as 5.5 hours. The process sounded terrifying, my upper gums will be scrapped a little, and some teeth removed as they pushed my jaw back. I am grateful for the fact that I'll be knocked out fully with drugs before the doctors begin their work. What was a few hours to everyone else would probably seem only a few minutes to me as I snooze through their work. I talked to my Anastetist a little while the doctors discussed something. She was quite amused that I was a medic and understood some of the medical terms she's been using to her fellow collegues. An intraveneous line was inserted into my left hand vein, and then some drug was injected into my left arm. They placed a mask over my mouth, and before long my world literally began spinning. I feel myself losing consciousness, and then everything went black.
When i awoke, i felt weakness coursing through my entire body. I was still in the same room on the same table, only that the process is finished. My mouth is tied up with rubber bands and fitted with some drain pipes for blood. I can't open my mouth due to the restrains. The surgery is completed, and I was wheeled away to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) for a night of observation. It proved to be the longest night that I've been through. The ward's condition is horrible. The room was small, cramped and there was no air conditioning, ventilation was bad. My head was still spinning from the drug injected into me earlier, and I vomitted twice during my ordeal, with my mouth closed and teeth shut. At times, i really felt like I was vomitting my life force out of myself. There was blood and objects which seemed like bits of my inner flesh. I cant move much, I cant open my mouth to clear my throat, and I cant drain the fluids from my clenched jaw. The only thing I can do is swallow. Fortunately, the nurses are kind and patient. They attended to me and assisted me as much as they could. More apparent to me than ever, nursing really seemed a noble career.
I welcomed the first rays of dawn. The night has been really horrid. My surgeons came into the ICU to check on my condition. Being unable to speak, I had to play charades with them. I was taught to feed myself from a tube with an all balanced milk diet, before I was taken back to my own general ward. This one's air-conditioned, thankfully. I slept thru the rest of the day ...
Now I'm at home, my cheeks still swollen as ever. My teeth are still tied, and I won't be able to speak or eat proper food for as long as 3 weeks. A tradeoff i gave for this operation, may be that I've lost the sensation of half of my chin and some parts of my lower jaw. In other words, the nerve cells there might have died ... maybe for good (I pray otherwise). The doctors have said the sensation will come back slowly, it may take even up to a year. Im willing to wait anyway, hopefully time really heals this wound, else I'll really doubt the worth of this surgery.
All the while, I'm truely thankful for all my friends. Though I haven't seen anyone for quite some time due to my request, I felt the pressence of everyone thru the simple SMS and MSN messages. I'm grateful for your existance, thank you all so much. You have no idea how much comfort it brought me reading your simple messages of well wishes and health. I speak no lie. Now that I'm going through one of my weakest moments, I've sincerely felt the shine of everyone's blessings at their fullest.
This one thanks you. =)
posted by JaNuS @ Sunday, June 18, 2006
