Dear cousin ...
On the 26th of July, 2008, you locked yourself up in your room in Banjarmasin, Indonesia, and you took your own life,
Just a short week ago, you were still in Singapore, and we were chatting and watching YouTube videos in Ah Mah's house. For meals, we often ate the same food on the same dinner table. You asked me some computer upgrading issues, and I suggested that you scour Sim Lim for the answer. Everytime I visited Ah Mah's house last month, you were either sitting on the living room floor playing PS, or in the room using your laptop.
Before you left for Jakarta, you bidded me goodbye on msn. I asked when you'll be returning again, and you told me in 3 months time. That turned out to be a lie ... intentionally or unintentionally. Now that I think of it ... it may be the first time you bidded me goodbye on msn... it has also come to be the last.
We've spent a good part of our childhoods together in Jakarta, mainly playing video games. You were a great companion and elder brother to me. As we aged ... our paths diverted, as I walked my own path in Singapore. I still see you once in a while, though we weren't as close as before. I guess that's really a part of growing up. I am not as close to any of my cousins as I were before ... but at the back of my mind, I know that everyone is safe and well. That knowledge is enough for me.
I was told later on that you tried to contact all of our cousins before your departure to Indonesia. That's really a first ... but no one suspected anything unusual.
You rascal. Did you have it all planned..?
You were really the wrongest person to go. You were only 26, a year older than me. You are the most likely champion among the cousins to take over Grandpa's empire to an extent... and you even have marriage plans in place with a beautiful fiancee. I met her in Banjarmasin, she's so pretty ... and patient as well. I envied you, how could you have left her and us behind? Your death is so surreal, and it's just so wrong. I can't accept it ... I refuse to accept it.
Now that you're gone, my mornings seem so different somehow. Something seems to always be missing when i wake up in the day, and a part of me feels wrong. Its without doubt caused by the vacancy you've created in my soul when you left this world.
Our family has perhaps done you much wrong through your 26 years of living. You do not have loving parents who's always around to care and love for you. Many times, you were pretty much on your own. And yet, never once you revealed to us the sorrow you must have felt within. You're always full of smiles and jokes ... and perhaps that's why everyone assumed you're ok. Whatever's on your mind ... just know that you were never alone. You were never an outsider and you are always a precious puzzle piece that makes up our complete family. I don't often say such things to family members ... but i mean it.
Despite all the wrongs we might have caused, you left behind much goodness for us on your departure. For the first time in history, our family reunited in Banjarmasin to tour our grandfather's heritage. Intan Wijaya, our heritage which I have always heard but never seen. It's simply astonishing ... beyond belief, that our family name actually has such a huge impact on the Indonesian economy. The whole stretch of land, docks, ships, all under our name.
You have provided me a huge motivational and inspirational boost to not let down our family name... to reach for greater thing, and bring the Tanmizi name to an even higher level. Thanks to you as well, my mom and Ah Mah are now on better terms. To think they've been on bitter ends just last month... Also thanks to you, many of our employees are now able to meet their high level employers in an official company dinner on the night before we left Banjarmasin ... the first time in 16 years.
I miss you Nov ...
I'll never see you again.
Just 2 weeks back, we were still under the same roof.
Now, your separated from the mortal realm.
I cannot accept it. I refuse to accept it.
I didn't come to think that you'll be the first to shatter my heart in my whole 25 years of living.
The first to devastate me to such an extent ...
... i dunno what else to say. It's like a nightmare I can't wake up from.
Wherever you are ... I hope you are finally at peace, without worries nor sorrow.
Please be happy ... don't let our tears go to waste.
Take care of yourself ... and please watch over those whom you left behind in this cruel world.
Goodnight, Sweet Prince.
I miss you ... I love you.
let this blog finally be laid to rest, but let your memories be never forgotten.
...
别管以后将如何结束
至少我们曾经相聚过
不必费心地彼此约束
更不需要言语的承诺
只要我们曾经拥有过
对你我来讲已经足够
人的一生有许多回忆
只愿你的追忆有个我It never rains, it storms.
When bad things happen to me, they come all at once ...
The worse thing is that it involves some of the closest person around me.
And the worst thing is that the people closest to me, doesn't seem to care. thanks
Janus Janus Janus
Janus' laptop has been sent for repairs for a week or so.
Janus won't be able to log in to facebook for a week or so.
Janus won't be able to update his blog unless his collegue goes for a shit, then he can take over his laptop. (as is the case now)
Janus is thinking he should crash Union Camp either Thursday or Friday (Double O)!
Janus went Kbox to sing song drink honey lemon eat tidbits with girl-girl for 5 hours yesterday.
Janus sang a few oldies at his internship company (DSI) Karaoke Day today.
Janus thinks his name is cool.
Janus has an evil girlfriend.
Janus loves fish.
Janus is mooning at you.
Janus is looking for gymming khakis. 6pm on weekdays NUS gym.
Concordantly, vis-a-vis, ergo
Rambles
Janus is the proud owner of a
PLAYSTATION 2 !!!Helloooooo all-the-nice-RPG-games-that-have-been-released-over-the-past-7-years!!!
Good Byeeee life!!!
****************************
ah hem ...
So i sacrificed one of my gym sessions last week, and head over to
Sim Lim Square for my
PS2 console. I wanted a cheap set ... (and probably so does the rest of the world). But no, i mean ... cheap, as in really really cheap, maybe even dirt cheap, but just cheap. I'm not gonna game hunt, but already have a few games in mind that i really want to complete. The
God of War series, the
Final Fantasy series, the
Kingdom Hearts series, blah blah.
So that's why i want a cheap set.
From my research, the old
PS2 console (the big bulky version) has been discontinued by
Sony, and is replaced by the new
PS2 Slim. I asked all the Ah Beng shopkeepers in
Sim Lim. Most of them only look tough, but I doubt many know their stuffs ... I even saw one swinging around a
Nintendo Wii controller playing a tennis video game. He actually played quite well, must have trained up during all those hooting sessions. Very cool to see his Ang Kong moving around like that so professionally. It cost
$230 for a modified
PS2 Slim, and from what I've been told ... it needs an external cooling fan. That fan cost
$30, woopee ... so it's like,
$260 ++.Is
$260 anywhere near cheap? Anwer: No. It's not cheap, it's ex and its dear ... and its ridiculous. Sony sucks, and the CEO deserves to burn in hell.
After scanning the entire
Sim Lim Square complex, i found a shop that still carries a couple of the old
PS2 console. They're first hand, but problem is ... it ain't new either. The shopkeeper has been using it as a window display item for about one million years. It's dusty dusty dusty.
I manage to get it for
$170, and spent another
$30 for a memory card. Is that cheap? Answer: No. But whatever, at least i don't have to worry about getting a fan.
************************
Went over to grandma's house late Friday to learn her secret recipe for the
Yellow Ginger Chicken (
黄姜饭) which sold so well during the NUS PRU FLV bazaar.
*by the way, i'm offering catering service for the above dish. Contact me if interested ... not that i expect anyone to actually bother about it.*Friday, went over to
Jocelyn house to watch
Shrek 3 in a super lousy quality. Evening went to
JB to celebrate
Mervin and
Hee Wei's birthday.
Sunday come home, and attended
Shan Shan and
Jeff's commencement ceremony. Its a rather heartwarming scene, seeing everyone wearing the square cap and all. Graduation is really a big deal, i feel, as opposed to what my silly girl friend thinks.
Like what I always told my frieshies during the FIC ceremony,
"Your journey will start at your Inauguration Ceremony, and end at your Commencement Ceremony".Hmm ...
*************************
There're many things in life that doesn't actually
NEED to be done. In other words ... even if it's not done, life still goes on normally for you, and it'll be neither better nor worse.
For instance, you don't really need to smile at the shopkeeper when you buy something from him/her. You don't really need thank the guy at the petrol kiosk for cleaning your windscreen (it's their job after all). You don't really need to wave thanks to the guy who slowed his vehicle just so that you can cut into a carline.
Yeah ... there're many things in life that really doesn't need to be done.
So the big question is ... will you still do it?
And if yes is your answer, why will you choose to do it? When you can blissfully ignore it and save a few seconds of your life?
Here's my answer: It may not make us much better or worse, but it definately makes others feel better. The story of a man's life doesn't only include the man himself, but also that of others around him. No matter how little, the fates of people are quite often interwined.
So to those who keep asking me "Why Bother?" in one way or another ...
Here's my answer to you :
"Bllleeaaahhhhh. Phhhtt."peace out.
Just Another Post
The time is
11.27pm. I'm at work now in
DSI ... and it's almost lunch time. There's too little time to do anything useful before i grab my chow in the engine canteen, so I might as well use this short time to blog a little ... not that i expect anyone to read it. After my unpredicatable pauses in the intervals whereby i update my blog, I won't be surprised if my readers have all but dissipitated.
Oh whatever ... at least i know I have good ol FZK to check out my shit whenever he's too bored at work ... but i certainly hope that bugger will tag me more often.
And there's little Jocelyn who pops over to this webbie whenever she 's waiting for her bacterias to mass-produce and lay eggs or whatsoever.
I've made a big decision today ... biggest financial decision I've made for my own personal leisure. ($200 for my retainers and $150 for car repairs are necessary expenses ... and not for personal leisure). After work today at 6pm, first i'm gonna pick up girl-girl and then we'll head down to Parkway Parade ... and I'm gonna get myself a ...
* drumrolls *
PLAYSTATION 2 !!!
weeee .... not a brand new one though, but a 2nd hand one. My budget will be around $130, I just wanna get it to finish up on a few RPG and RTS games ... After watching my cousins play God of War II on PS2, I'm finally convinced that I want a set. Woopee ~~~
I pondered about getting a brand new PS3, which comes at around $800. That way, I can play both PS2 and PS3 games, instead of sticking to PS2 games before i upgrade to PS3 3 or 4 years later when the price drops.
However ... i decided against that ... firstly to limit my leisure freedom becoz of the upcoming academic year, and secondly coz I'm not really game-hunting ... but rather already have a few games in mind that i really wanna play, namely God of War and Kingdom Hearts. That's why i will settle for nothing more than a cheap set.
*lunch break*
back ... girl-girl looks a bit sian1/2, coz i only managed to pei her for half hour eating in Engine Canteen. I messaged i have 1 hour plus lunch break, and arranged to meet her at 12.15pm ... assuming my colleagues and I reach there around that time. However, I estimated wrongly, and our lab actually went for lunch at 11.45pm. I ended up eating a 40 cents prata while waiting for girl-girl to arrive. Met girl-girl at 12.20pm, but by then i only have around 30min for lunch ... starting the count from 11.45pm. So that's why 30min ...
:(
and i had a $1.80 Bak Chor Mee for lunch. Forgot to tell the Aunty i don't want Tao Geh.
found a picture of 鸡鸡 in my "received files" folder ...
My good buddies gave it to me at the airport when i was leaving for Philippines for my Overseas Community Project. I didn't bring it back though, but left it in the care of my foster family in Philippines as a token of my appreciation for their care.
I remember saying,
"I wanna leave a piece of myself here, so I'll leave 鸡鸡 here with you guys"
Now that i think of it ... i kinda miss it. And I miss "her" too.
...
alrighty, back to work.
Ode to Mee Fen
People out there got famous singing about mice, rats, cockroaches, lizards, mosquitos etc etc.
And so ... i ask, why not a song about
meefen?
Here's an ingenious creation from the mind of a talented pet namer.
Sing it out at a rate of approximately
2 words per secondThe Meefeen Song (米粉歌）作曲：Janus 歌词：Janusmeefen meefen not a normal meefen very special meefen not like normal meefen yummy meefen yumyum meefen i love meefen meefen meefen stylo meefen mylo meefen mix with milo meefen don't want meekia i want meefen i hate meepok i like meefen i hate bee hoon i crave meefen meefen meefen meesiam is crap i eat meefen meesua not nice i love meefen i want meefen meefen meefen not for Aiur but for meefen not for glory let's eat meefen i hate tau geh go chiong meefen don't buy zerglings spend on meefen meefen meefen army no use coz no meefen don't drink tiger go eat meefen don't smoke cigarette go suck meefen lunch break later go buy meefen working that time should think meefen sleeping also must dream meefen don't want girlfren prefer meefen don't want prata i want meefen gahmen pay rise to buy meefen bangla come work to try meefen meefen meefen XO meefen yu pian meefen curry meefen ice-cream meefen halal meefen homemade meefen gourmet meefen world-peace meefen meefen meefen yay.
- 完 -Nice? By the way, guess what I had for dinner today..jpg)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~XO meefen!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
how'd you guess?
We still feel rather restless after downing the $20 meefen from Holland V, probably due to the XO they put inside. So we went Settler's Cafe to settle down and play shares.
For the Lame and the Bored
the last time I put up a post, policemen still wearing shorts. long long long long time ago, about 12B.C.
Anyways, determined not to let another of his blog space get frozen up with discontinuity, the author has decided to post up wadever crap shit that came up in his twisted mind.
Eh Hem ... today I'm gonna talk about my most recent facination. It's none other than my virtual pets. My supervisors at DSI gave me this Fish game which comes with a fish tank screen saver. You play by dropping fish food into the tank to feed the fishies whose stomach empties in a matter of seconds... once in a while aliens will invade your tank to eat them fishies, and u'll have to fire lasers to nail the aliens. As you progress, more and more weird marine life comes into play. There's piranhas that eats small fishies, and ultra-piranhas that eat ordinary piranhas, jumping crabs which eat small fishies, and buggy munchers which eats yellow ladybugs ... oh yah, and did I mention the octopussy that eats stars? Yeah that too.
yada yada yada yada, rah rah rah rah
This is my dear fish tank screen saver. Those chicken-like thingies are pregnant fishes which gives birth to darling small fishies which will become food to Luo-Han-Yu and Steve Jobbs. Steve Jobbs will release yellow ladybuggs to feed Bill Gates. And Bill Gates will drop money to the bottom of the tank, which will be collected by stinky the snail. The money will then be spent by the royal me, thy master o fishie tank. Now that's what i call a food chain.
Next. I adopted a turtle pet in facebook. (By the way, those who know me, do add me to your facebook account. My ID is Janus Ong). It's a turtle, probably a reptile. Its green, its got a shell and it crawls on 4 legs ... so it's a turtle.
Yeah so its green ... and so i gave it a green-ey name. Meet Wasabee the turtle. Uber nice name right? Im a talented pet namer. My sister named her cow Mooie, and my friend named her penguin Sanguine and Weilun named his giraffe giffy. Wooooo..... Both names have something to do with the host creature. Cows go mooooooo and "guine" sounds like "guin" from "penguin", same for the giraffe. So unoriginal, hee. Whist wasabee, has nothing important associated with turtles. Wasabe isn't made from turtles, and turtle jelly isn't made from wasabe.
The only distance association is its colour.
Its instruction manual says that its head is so big that it cant hide inside its own shell. I can see that. Poor wasabe...
Ok that's enough random thoughts for now. I need to go sleep now, else i'll be late to feed the fishies tomorrow morning.
